Topic: Personal Commentary
And now, a story that never happened...
When I arrived at the rental car desk today, I expected to be provided a Toyota Corolla or perhaps a Honda Civic. The company will only pay for the sensible cars, you know?
"Mustang alright?" The lady asked at the desk.
"Yeah," I answered, still operating within my fog of airtravel induced by a plane full of teenagers on spring break. Then I brightened, "Hell yeah!"
At no additional charge, I was provided a honey of a car for this trip.
In addition to being a bit broad across the beam, I also happen to be 6'2". I got a lotta leg. And let me tell you, my knees are up into my chest in this car. For a moment, a brief moment, I considered returning to the desk.
But then I turned that engine over and let me tell you - it growled, rumbling a deep bass that I felt in the center of my chest.
"What are you gonna do, you big girl?" It demanded. "Pass me up to climb into some 4-cyllinder pansy mobile with ample leg room?!?!"
Oh hell no!
Before you knew it, I was rocketing down the expressway, gunning that monster. Roaring past other, less manly vehicles I felt like Steve McQueen, the coolest man who ever lived. Hell, I was even feeling a bit Dukes of Hazard... I wanted to jump something!
At one point, I even channeled Luke.
"Wooooooooot!" I cried at the top of my lungs, "I'm the freakin' devil!"
Arriving at my hotel room, I popped a couple of Advil. My knees were hurting. Really, no leg room at all.
...and this story never happened. You know it never happened because The Wife told me to be careful when she kissed me goodbye this morning. And I always do what Suzanne tells me.
Always.
My knees do hurt, though.
Aron Head
www.EvilBastard.net
Now Playing: They Might Be Giants' Bastard Wants to Hit Me.
