Topic: Personal Commentary
As mentioned earlier, Suzanne's out-of-town for the next several days. She's visiting her friend Jason up in Virginia. Jason and Suzanne have been friends for many years. But it's been awhile since Suzanne has visited.
So I took it on myself to share some tips with Jason...
Jason,
Taking on the mantle of Suzanne's well-being is an awesome responsibility. I know you know this, but since it has been quite some time since you have shouldered this privilege I thought I'd help you out with a few pointers:
1. When waking Suzanne, snuggle in behind her shaping yourself against her backside. She will call you "the cheating spoon." Best to just accept this comment. Discussing or challenging the reasoning will just annoy her.
2. Having assumed "the cheating spoon" position, proceed to tickling her bottom. In general, she requires eight minutes of this attention.
3. In the morning, bloody marys. Start the gin (Bombay Sapphire) at noon.
4. Tell her she is a pretty girl. Often. You cannot tell her this too frequently. In fact, why aren't you telling her she's pretty right now?
5. Before bed, brush her hair 100 times on each side. Just like Marcia Brady.
6. Tuck her into bed (use only 600 thread count Egyptian Cotton sheets) and kiss her on the forehead. Tell her that she is a shining star in whose glorious light you are honored to bask.
7. Start all over again the following morning.
'Hope this helps!
Aron Head
www.EvilBastard.net
